Finding Fierce Self Love


“Drop the idea of becoming someone, because you are already a masterpiece.” ~ Osho

I remember the days when I would walk into a coffee shop and I couldn’t do much except stare at the floor. I remember walking the halls of college and making myself as invisible as possible. I remember when I had anxiety about meeting new people. I remember when I placed my entire happiness on whether or not I would be thin. I remember the days when I felt so unlovable all I could do was cry myself to sleep each night. I remember those days when I used to beat myself up, for everything. I remember her, that Sofia, that other version of me.

After the years and years of self-inquiry, seeking and healing, I finally arrived at who I was always meant to be. I actually had a moment in the recent past when I realized that I felt complete within myself, that I finally felt whole when I used to feel so broken and defeated. When I arrived at that moment, I cried tears of joy and relief for how far I’ve come. I realized I came through and there were times when I couldn’t imagine that I would ever get here. I got here, and while I had no agenda for a specific destination, I did arrive here. Whole.
I arrived at this Sofia, at this authentic and divine version of me. I relaxed into my Sofia-ness. I started exuding self-love and I finally came home to myself.

What happens if “I” actually love myself?

We live in a society that does not celebrate people who truly love themselves. Despite the fact that we read and hear “love yourself first” ad nauseam, despite the fact that we get told over and over, “ love starts and ends with us,” we still struggle with the fact that we can be amazing and we can own it.

We have been taught to apologize for ourselves. We have been taught to hold ourselves back, to hide, and to be ashamed for our greatness, and we have been taught that being in absolute love with ourselves is self-centered.

When I know and believe I am intelligent, wise, funny as shit, beautiful, sexy, quirky, talented, silly, and unique, I am powerful. I get to live in this knowing and this belief, and no one can take it away from me. This is the true definition of power and it scares people greatly.

When the world reflects you back to you

Once I started coming home to myself, strangers in public started reacting to me differently and approaching me in every which way.

People in my personal circle started to comment and share things about me in conversation that felt good and true to hear. What they shared about me were the things I already knew and loved about myself.

Their words/thoughts/ideas were my own beliefs about myself and now they truly resonated with me. They were simply reflecting me back to me and then it magnified. But it’s still an internal job. One that can only be done by me.

What I love most about myself: I know who I am. But even so I find the most important thing about me has nothing do with my talents, gifts, my looks, or even my worth.

The most important thing about me and what I love most of about myself is my heart.

My heart is pure and limitless, and it’s somehow not jaded or cynical even after all I’ve experienced. My heart is kind. My heart is open, it is loving, it is warm and inviting and it loves to love and connect with life. This is the most precious thing about me. This is me. I am love, and I love myself.

“The woman who does not require validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet.” ~ Mohadesa Najumi

What happens when YOU find self-love:

What happens when you love love love yourself to pieces?
When you are in your power?
What happens when you exude this fierce self-love and moreso, when you own it?

You shine, you glow, you beam.
You sprinkle YOU all over the universe.
Your circle of possibility expands by leaps and bounds.
You open your arms wider.
You radiate confidence inside and out.

There is the kind of confidence that lands on us like someone is showing off and this, I believe, is based on lack and insecurity. And then there is the kind that comes from self-love. This confidence is palpable and does not feel icky. It looks like authenticity and presence. Instead of lack and insecurity it shows up as abundance and real connection. And hello, big clue…this confidence is not apologetic.

Owning It

Each morning before I wash my face, I look in the mirror and I say, “Hey Goddess! I love love love you! Sofia, you lovely woman, I love you!” Even if I’m tired, I see my reflection in that mirror and I just smile at Sofia. Sofia and I are besties. I own my beauty, my power, and my wisdom. I honor my courage and my tenacity. I honor the Goddess within, for it is she who sparks me into wholeness in each moment.

Owning my power looks like advocating for myself, knowing I belong, stepping into the unknown with self-awareness, cultivating more courage and curiosity, and accepting and celebrating being complex, dynamic and amazing.

Owning my wisdom looks like trusting myself, knowing I have what it takes, being ok with making mistakes and learning from them, and trusting in the divine Source of the All.

It’s not always easy. Many times I have to remind myself of who I am. I remind myself that I cultivated this love through courage, self-compassion and through the many dark moments when I just wanted to give up on myself and didn’t. (By the way, this is my definition of success.)

I accept the bright and shiny spots and the shadowy spots and can love and embrace both.

What happens when you refuse to apologize for being yourself?

People will be triggered by your self-assurance, confidence and by your lack of insecurity, but you have to ignore it and keep on your own path.

Sometimes, you make others uncomfortable by just being yourself. Other times, you may be labeled as conceited, full of yourself, cocky, entitled, blah, blah, blah.

If we are all mirrors to each other– and I believe that we are– what you reflect by being your most you might be the fact that other people aren’t comfortable with who they are. You might reflect to someone that they don’t love themselves in the measure they desire, and that’s a difficult mirror for someone to face.

Be you, unapologetically.

Continue to be you.
March to the beat of your own drum.
Push through the resistance to hide and shut down.
Feel your feelings.
Keep your heart open.
Ask for support when you need it.
Lovingly guide yourself to visibility.
Still keep your heart open.
Show up.
Share yourself with the world.

And you will come home to you.

“I love myself.’ the quietest.simplest. Most powerful revolution ever.” ~ Nayyirah Waheed