Coming Out of The Psychic Closet
Those who know me well already know this. But those that don’t will now because I am coming-out of the psychic closet.
I didn’t even know I was in the closet but let me explain…
I can sometimes sense things before they happen. I see things for myself and for other people.
I am clairvoyant, clairsentient, intuitive, psychic, telepathic and an extremely sensitive empath. All of these are different, manifest differently and yet feel the same.
These gifts are nothing new to me. They have been with me my whole life although in the last 3 years especially, the degree and intensity of this seeing has risen to a larger capacity than I could have ever imagined myself.
I do not know where this comes from.
To my knowledge, other than heal my broken parts, I have done nothing specific to develop this gift or make it stronger or weaker, but I do notice it does keep increasing in accuracy. This is interesting and unsettling to embody and experience at times.
I also know I am not the only one in my family who has these gifts. There are 3 women who carry these abilities although I am not able to speak on how much or how little this shows up for them.
The information that is given to me, that I sense and see, I cannot by any means explain logically.
It is a download of words, of thoughts, and feelings even in the form of a movie in my mind projected on a wall. I cannot give meaning to what I see or sense until I share it with another until I realize why it has meaning for them.
The stuff just comes when it comes.
Reading and feeling other people, happens all the time.
Sometimes nothing comes until there is an interaction with another person. Other times, no interaction is needed and I see things in my mind and sense them in my body.
When I meet a person, whoever they are…I do not “try” to read them. It just happens whether I like it or not.
When what I intuit is positive, I feel the vibration of love surrounding my body and more specifically my heart. When what I pick up on is painful, I feel the pain in my body. It is not pleasant or comfortable.
When a person is not well, I feel it as if it were me and when they are, it’s like 10,000 watts of love running through me.
If you are sad, I feel your sadness.
If you are angry, boy do I feel that shit.
If you are happy, I feel that too!
No matter how much I protect myself, take care of myself and my energy and I’ve gotten more skilled at this, it still happens.
I sense all kinds of things.
I feel energy at very, very subtle levels. By subtle I mean that the mere inflection of someone’s voice, not the choice of their words, but the inflection, tells me whether they are lying or being truthful. Whether they are scared or confident. When they are speaking from a pattern of behavior or being authentic.
When I talk to a friend on the phone and they’ve had a shift, immediately after they speak, I can tell without knowing what is going on, that they have evolved in a big way or been through something. I can hear it in their voice. Megan says to me after 4 months of not talking, “Sof, only you could tell I’m different by hearing me talk”.
With the written word the same is true…a person writes me things I know are truths/triumphs/gifts or lies/excuses/avoidances and I feel each different sensation in my body depending on what they are actually sharing. Like when they say “I will ______” I know when they will or won’t, most of the time.
I can sometimes hear and sense people talking about me in other places where I am not present. If the conversation is positive, I feel love when I see this in my mind. If it is not positive and people are talking behind my back or gossiping, I feel the dis-ease immediately in the pit of my stomach. Again, it’s not comfortable, especially when it is with people you care about.
I know when someone is thinking of me and I know when I am off their radar. When I get this certain feeling in my body, I just feel it and see the person’s face come into my mind and it feels weird and strange.
I have had dreams about babies being born to certain women in my life, before the children were conceived. There have been 5 babies since 1998 that I have dreamt about. With each one I told each woman about the dreams I’d had and one by one each told me when they were then pregnant.
I can not explain this and I won’t try to.
I have had dreams or thoughts about people who I have not heard from in years, like 5+ years…and then the next day I hear from them. The same thing happens with phone calls or texts, and I know many of us have these synchronicities, I am not the only one.
It doesn’t feel like the earth moves or like it’s a big announcement, it just feels like “Oh, there’s so and so, in my mind!” If I had a dollar for many times have I called someone and they tell me, “Hey, I was JUST thinking about you! How did you know?”, I’d be rich by now.
What about the time my mother and an acquaintance were sitting together at my singing recital watching me sing? They happened to sit next to each after not seeing each other in 30 years, and as I sang my solo, I lost my voice for a sec because when I looked at the 2 of them sitting there, I saw a couple. They hadn’t even gone on date and I could see it there. They’ve been together for 6 years now.
I said to a friend last year, someone I didn’t know very well at the time, “Hey, are you changing jobs? I see something at the end of the year? Are you looking for one?” He says, “not really although he wanted to change jobs at some point” and then a month later I get the email that he has gotten a job in a another state starting beginning of next year. A job that was created for him out of the blue. A job he didn’t look for.
I know when my friends go for the interview and will get that job or not.
I know when I am going to run into someone (not anyone specific). I have said out loud dozens of times to the person I’m with, a friend or whoever is with me “Hey, I have a feeling I will run into someone I know today, not sure who, but someone I know…” and there you go, it happens and they look at me like I’m a little crazy. Now, I share it just so they know I felt it before almost as if to prove that I’m not making this up. Because, I still can’t explain this.
I also know when I’m going to run into “certain specific” people and that still freaks me out, even more. The feeling comes in strong, like a pang in my tummy and then few days or a week later, there they are. I run into them in places that I was not supposed to be in when I see them. I can’t explain this either.
In Romance & Relationships
I have had 2 friends that I’d met, and didn’t really know well at all at the time, both tell me that I knew their marriage was over before they did. It is not fun to know these things about people/friends I care about when I can sense things are not good for them or will bring them sadness.
Having said that, I take this stuff seriously and it is not my place to tell a person when their relationship is over or when they should or shouldn’t continue on with someone. If they ask, I will tell them what I feel as long as I know it will not interfere with their path, because it is not up to me with whom they learn their lessons or live out their karma. Whether I can feel it’s suited for them or not. It’s in their own life’s design to do what they need to do to learn and become who they are.
In my own romantic love life this has been the most painful and challenging part of digesting my intuition because what the fuck do you do when you know someone is lying to you? White lies or big lies? When they think you accept what they say as the truth and you know it’s not?
This goes beyond a “woman’s intuition”…When you know when they are about to do something that will truly hurt you, and you see it sometimes 3 months in advance? When they lie to you, leave, whatever it may be that will surely hurt? Do you jump ship or do you wait until you know more?
What did I do in these cases?
I stayed until it was time to go, because if I lived life according to every premonition, I would never experience half the stuff that my soul desired that was in my highest good. I never abandoned myself in the process and yet it’s still challenging to experience.
I truly used to think that the things I saw with the guys/men I was involved with made me a paranoid freak and even some friends at the time thought I was. Because surely I what I saw couldn’t be right. I’d rather be wrong than sad. I can tell you with great sadness that every single thing I’ve seen in the last 3 years/ had premonitions about with each person (that I of course thought it was nonsense) in this romantic arena of my life, I had proof later on that it was true. ALL. OF. IT.
I will repeat that this is not fun, at all. And having to balance and still choosing to show up as myself and be vulnerable until what I “see” becomes revealed is how I have to live, to be in the moment. And I still get hurt, and have benefited from the experiences I’ve had although painful.
Sensing I’m going to lose people is so hard.
Another sad thing is when I sense this is the last time I’m about to see someone who is ill and going to pass on. I don’t know when they are going to die, but rather I feel and think this is the last time I will see them. This has happened twice and it is h e a r t-b r e a k i n g.
And lastly, when I could sense the dog was ill a good 6 months before I took her to get checked. I told the vet tech I had a bad feeling and she told the vet she thought it was weird I knew without having the results yet. I just knew. Still…h e a r t-b r e a k i n g.
After all of this, and more, after all of the proof and synchronicity and the many, many “I-can’t-believe-it” moments, I STILL have a hard time trusting the higher power sometimes. I am indeed a spiritual being having a human experience and with being human comes fear and doubt and worry.
I have had a few significant awakenings in my life however in the last 2-3 years I had the most profound one of all. I was literally brought to my knees to face my darkest moments and I had no choice but to learn to surrender myself, to trust and to give into this Divine force. I have had to cultivate a stronger relationship with the Divine and this in turn has made me more connected than ever because there was nothing left but this force. In the many moments when I have lack of faith/trust/belief, I am led once again to the powerful force that governs my life because there is nothing else TO DO except BE.
Being intuitive is not comfortable nor did I choose it. I have however learned to accept that this is who I am. I have been reluctant to share myself openly in this way for many years because of fear of how people could misinterpret or label me. I am no longer willing to hide ANY part of myself. You don’t have to believe my truth, I do.
I have done a tremendous amount of inner personal work on myself. In other words, I have fought my dragons and come out on the other side. And let me tell you, them shadowy dragons were fucking gnarly and tough.
I have done all I can to completely liberate myself emotionally, mentally, sexually and spiritually from being who I was meant to be. That work is done and am I whole within myself. This coming out of the psychic closet, is the last part of stepping into my truth and showing up as me.
I have been told over and over and over by guides, other readers, friends, clients, etc. to be more authentic in my work and for the fear of judgment, I held myself back.
I am not going to hide anymore. I am proud of who I am.
The other day I gave someone a reading and the messages that came through me is something that can help at least 10+ children. 10 children! And even if it’s just one person, it’s always worth it. So after years of wrestling with whether to offer this or not, I have come to peace with the fact that there is good that can come from this. If I can help someone get into alignment with their path by whatever my own wisdom and Source/Goddess/Divine/Universe/Spirit wants to share with them, then so be it.
Whatever comes through me, I’ve heard is helpful for many of you. Why? Because what wants to be said through me is a catalyst for people to know they are on the right track or not. It is not me who decides the right and the wrong track. It is up to the person I am reading for to decide this as what I say lands in their body, mind and heart. I provide the messages, you do the work and the living.
While I do not aim to be a fortune teller or predict the future, I am still surprised after all these years at what comes through me when I engage in this information that comes from the Divine Goddess of Life. I do not understand how what I see to be in such alignment and there is no way I could have known what I see/sense or speak.
Despite all that, this keeps me humble. I don’t take it for granted. I am open to all that the Universe wants of me, and it seems this is one of them. I’ve accepted that this is one of my gifts is to help others get into alignment with their own Soul paths.
A guy once said to me, “You know everything”. I don’t. I don’t know everything and I don’t want to. I know “some” things, I know “enough” things.
I still can’t explain any of this. I have stopped trying to explain it. There is no need to understand it anymore. It just is.
Why I am sharing this? I am not the only one. There are many others. I am simply sharing my part and my story.
You are intuitive and psychic too. What you may see or know might feel uncomfortable for you and I can completely empathize with that because it is not wrong/right or good/bad, it just IS. We are all psychic and telepathically communicating all the time. Perhaps you might recognize that you know more than you think you do. Perhaps you might begin to trust your inner voices and knowings more if any of the examples I gave seem familiar to you. Perhaps no voices or knowings are needed and you just choose and DECIDE to trust yourself no matter what…
I am not special. I am simply connected. Nothing more, nothing less.
And now…the only thing for me to do is for me to BE.